


"Normal" is a Lie

by IdolDaydreams



Series: Tumblr Requests [3]
Category: SHINee
Genre: Implied/Referenced Homophobia, Internalized Homophobia, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-08-07
Updated: 2016-08-07
Packaged: 2018-08-07 05:23:42
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 827
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7702351
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/IdolDaydreams/pseuds/IdolDaydreams
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>After a phone call with your family ends on an unpleasant note, you begin to question your relationship with Jonghyun. You wonder if it would be better to just be "normal." Jonghyun disagrees.</p>
            </blockquote>





	"Normal" is a Lie

You listen to Blue Night from the comfort of your bed. Lying on your back, you are sprawled out over the covers with your eyes closed. A small grin tugs at the corners of your lips. His voice is a soft, even rhythm over the speakers, punctuated by gentle, croaking pauses. Tuning in has become something of a ritual for you. A ritual especially needed today.

You had a hard day. A phone call with your family made it clear to you they care more about appearances than your happiness. You’re getting to the age where all their friends’ children are getting married. They’ve not so gently encouraged you to start dating again, regardless of you already being in a relationship. You ended the discussion tersely, but it’s left you uneasy, fragile.

Knowing Jonghyun is in the city and so close usually soothes you. However, the discussion with his guest has turned to relationships. The guest, a young female artist, asks why he doesn’t have a girlfriend.  It’s a scripted line just like any other, but it frays your delicate nerves as much as the real thing. His whiny self-pitying reply only makes it worse. He wonders aloud, somewhat dramatically, if he’ll ever get married. Your eyes snap open. You stop listening.

Your thoughts are a jumbled mess of negativity. You wonder if it would have been easier if you’d been born normal. A dutiful son only attracted to women. You wonder if it would be easier to simply not act on your feelings, to accept the blind dates your family offers. The last one was a decent woman - smart, kind, pretty. She asked about you for a while after that, asked if a second date would ever happen. You promised to call her, before Jonghyun showed up. One evening with him and you couldn’t follow through.

If you have these thoughts, you realize, then so might he. His mother, sister, and the members have always been supportive, but you’ve been together long enough to know about the many people who weren’t. He’s even attracted to women as well, so why would he settle? Why would he pick you?

A text alert interrupts your monologue. It’s Jonghyun, and you notice the broadcast has since ended.

“I’m on my way!” he says.

You reply, “I’m waiting for you!” with all the embarrassing aegyo you can muster without cringing.  You have a high tolerance even in your current mood.  
You pull yourself together enough to start dinner, but he arrives before you can finish. The two of you finish it together, with Jonghyun happily chattering the entire time. You don’t mind. It helps take your mind off some of your fears. You don’t say much in return, but if he notices, he chooses not to comment on it.

Later in the evening, you watch a movie together both of you have already seen. Jonghyun’s head is nestled against your shoulder, his arm around your waist. Your arm is around his back and your fingers in his hair. Now that it’s dark again, the strands feel less like dry grass. Your internal monologue starts to play again, rerunning snippets of the phone call with your family.

During a lull in the plot, you ask, “Do you ever think you’d rather have a girlfriend?”

Jonghyun’s head shoots up and he turns to look at you, surprised. Your arm falls away from him. “What are you talking about?”

Suddenly, you regret asking. Your words feel stupid, but they keep falling from you unbidden. “You could get married then, and have kids. You could be normal.”

“Jagi–” His eyes widen. His voice suddenly rises, speech faster. “Have they been trying to set you up again? Let me talk to them. I’ll–”

“Please,” you interrupt, “they mean well.”

“What they mean doesn’t matter!” he shouts. Jonghyun pauses to take a short, deep breath. “They know about us. They know you’re happy. That’s all they should need.”

“But don’t you want to get married one day? Have your own family?”

He sighs, his anger already spent. Instead he just looks tired. “Sure, but that’s not going to happen for us any time soon.”

“That’s just it! You could find someone else and be happier.” Your voice fades on the final words.

“Stop telling me what’s best for me,” he replies, sympathetic but firm. “Music makes me happy. My family and friends make me happy. Roo makes me happy. And so do you. If that means never getting married, then that’s the government’s fault. Martyring yourself won’t help either of us.”

After a moment’s pause, you concede. “You’re right. I’m sorry. I’ve just been thinking too much.”

Jonghyun settles back down against you. He tilts his head up to kiss your cheek. “It’s okay. You know I love you, right?”

“I love you too.”

He spends the rest of your time awake showing you all the ways he can prove his affection. You happily join in.


End file.
